With congruent communication we want to assist you to communicate clearly without emotional conflict and to listen with love and compassion. We teach you to let yourself be seen, known and appreciated as you are, while shedding the fear of doing so.
Those challenged with addiction fall into habits of hiding behind stories because they feel ashamed and afraid. They are often incongruent in their communications with others because they are trying to get relief from the shame and anxiety they are experiencing.
It is our objective to set you free from the shame cycle and have you stand firm in yourself under all circumstances through self-acceptance and communication skills that you will learn in the Core Belief Restructuring (CBR) program.
Congruency is the ability to see things as they are, without the need to make up a story to cover reality. You don’t need to justify your actions, make up excuses or stories. Whatever your history, you can choose to be congruent with the facts and interact accordingly, allowing yourself to be seen as you truly are.
When we are not congruent (acting from integrity) we don’t feel good about ourselves, because there’s conflict within ourselves.
Ways that we might behave when shame comes up:
- Defensive in our communication
- Tell a lie (making up a story to avoid feeling shame)
- Blame others or gossip
- Make vague broad statements, instead of taking responsibility for our own actions
Levels of Congruency
- Emotional Congruency: being honest with yourself about how you feel, and being vulnerable enough to share this with the closest people in your life.
- Conscious Congruency – being conscious of your own programming and being congruent with that. What are the real reasons with why you are having that experience? What are you really trying to make happen?
This is surprisingly difficult to embrace for those with unresolved trauma and shame. We prioritize trauma-informed therapy because hauling around the past is the biggest deterrent to conscious congruency.
- Active Congruency – when you have emotional and conscious congruency, you become in harmony with your experiences.
That is true congruency? When you don’t have the need to make up a story of what you should be or tell a story of how you messed up the past. It is just being real and admitting that who you are, which might be really scared. Active congruency shows up in how you behave and how it impacts others.
Using Conscious Language
We teach you using language that will leave you feeling empowered in your interactions at work, with people we find challenging and especially in close relationships. Communicating clearly and consciously greatly reduces reactivity of the receiver, creating safer, kinder and more honest relationships. Positive, supportive and connected relationships have a powerful affect on reducing anxiety and hence on reducing triggers to self medicate with drugs or alcohol.
Learn The Language of Connection: Congruent Compassionate Communication